Woman asks friend’s daughter to be her flower girl but doesn’t invite the mom, she says no after bride expects her to wait in the car during the ceremony: 'This is just totally bonkers'

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Isabella Penn
Jul 20, 2025 7:00 PM EDT

Choosing who gets a spot in your wedding party is one of the most personal (and sometimes political) parts of planning a wedding. Bridesmaids, groomsmen, officiants, readers, ring bearers, and of course, the flower girl. They're all people you typically have a close bond with. The flower girl in particular is usually reserved for a kid who you find near and dear to your heart, like a niece, cousin, or best friend's child.

I was a flower girl in a few of my cousins' weddings when I was little. Just recently, my family did something I hadn't seen before. Since the bride and groom didn't have any young kids in the family, they gave the honor to their grandmothers, who joyfully tossed petals down the aisle. They called them the flower grannies, and it was adorable.

My point is, there are lots of options for what you can do with that role if you choose to have it. But asking to borrow a mutual friend's daughter without inviting anyone else she knows, not even her mom, is just plain weird. 

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  • "They want my daughter to be a flower girl at their wedding, but I'm not invited."

    Have I been eating crazy cakes? Am I off base, I really need to know. Becky is someone I have. known for many years. We are in the same social circle, more like friends of
    via MaudeDib
  • friends, but we are not super close. It's really more like acquaintance | run into from time to time. I do see them and hang out with them at gatherings, probably 3-4 times per year, but I've
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  • never been to their house, nor them to mine. I'm a single parent to an 11 year old girl and I received a call from Becky, who has never called me in her life before this, asking if my
    via MaudeDib
  • Cheezburger Image 10531596032
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • daughter would do the honor of being a flower girl because there are no other young kids in her family. [Side Note: My daughter who would EAT THAT UP! She'd love to be a flower girl.] I asked for
    via MaudeDib
  • the wedding date and where it was and she told me that it was at a winery in the middle of nowhere almost 2 hours driving from where we live. But she also said that it's an extremely intimate
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  • wedding for family and a few very close friends and unfortunately there wouldn't be "room" for me at either the ceremony or reception, "I'm sure you can understand."
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  • I told her I'd have to look into and and call her back because, honestly, I was too stunned to reply. Listen, I have ZERO problems not being invited to anyone's wedding, you do YOU and your day, no problem.
    via MaudeDib
  • But.. let me get this straight: Becky wants me to spend the time money on getting a flower girl dress and shoes, drive my kid 2 hours away to a winery in the middle of nowhere and drop her off
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  • unsupervised with al bunch of adults. And I should do what? Wait in the car? Wait down the road? Wait in the bathroom? Wait in the kitchen with the caterers?
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  • LOL. There isn't even a cafe within a 30 minutes drive. Am I off base thinking this is just totally bonkers??
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  • AdPotential8802 You're right. This is bonkers. I'd be saying no. No matter how much she would love being a flower girl. I
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  • would not be leaving my 11 year old daughter alone with a bunch of people she didn't know who would be drinking.
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  • ArDee0815 It's creepy. She's expecting you to doll up your girl and leave her alone with a bunch of strangers in the middle of nowhere.
    via ArDee0815
  • IAM_trying_my_best It's totally bonkers for sure. And from her perspective I can't imagine asking someone to drop their kid off and not want the parent to stay.
    via IAM_trying_my_best
  • I can't imagine asking someone to lend me their child for a few hours, at a far away isolated location!! And telling the mom they're not welcome.
    via IAM_trying_my_best
  • Like yeah, does she think you'll just sit in the car for a few hours and wait? Also it's a bit weird in so many other aspects. When they get their wedding photos and someone asks;
    via IAM_trying_my_best
  • "Who is that flower girl?" And. Becky is like "oh it's the daughter of this lady I kind of know" "Is her mom in any of the photos? Where was
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  • she during the wedding?" "Dunno. She was probably in her car or something" And like, what if your daughter feels
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  • overwhelmed or gets confused or is hungry or can't find the toilet?? Is there someone even dedicated to take care of her? A safe adult she trusts? I mean your daughter is a child.
    via IAM_trying_my_best
  • ugh it's nuts. I would be saying no for sure.
    via IAM_trying_my_best
  • sohereiamacrazyalien lol this is a plot to a comedy?
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  • ok you can bill her for the drive, the daughter performance! lol and I am guessing that she'd just want your daughter to do the flower girl thing then disappear so it should not be super long; that's why she
    via sohereiamacrazyalien
  • doesn't see the issue of you waiting outside or the kid being with strangers. perform and go little. kid... maybe you'll get a lollipop is you did well.
    via sohereiamacrazyalien
  • it's bonkers and so is the bridezilla to be!
    via sohereiamacrazyalien

Tags

flower girl odd ceremony request friends mutual friend parenting wedding not invited daughter mom
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